


Reasons

by notbeloved07



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, TW: Mention of canon suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-03
Updated: 2014-06-03
Packaged: 2018-02-03 05:52:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1733450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notbeloved07/pseuds/notbeloved07
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Bruce got low, he tried to write a list in his notebook, which he titled "10 Reasons to Stay Alive". Unfortunately, he couldn't think of anything to put in it and left the list blank.</p><p>Now, years later, he's looking for a voltmeter in Tony's workshop when he comes across his notebook again.</p><p>He finds that the list isn't blank anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reasons

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Keincaled](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keincaled/gifts).



> This was written as part of the starkbanner holiday exchange in December of 2012 for keincaled. (I delayed posting it because I kept entertaining the notion of learning how to do fonts and colours on AO3, but alas, I am too lazy.)

Bruce didn’t mean it literally when he said that the only thing he packed was a toothbrush. He had a few things in his bag--a change of clothes, a wooden amulet he’d rather not explain, and a notebook.

 

The notebook wasn’t for calculations, of course; he did his heavy-duty calculations on scratch paper so it was easier to lay it all out together. Instead, it was for small things he wanted to remind himself of--a quotation here, a phone number there.

 

Bruce hadn’t touched the notebook in months since moving in to Stark Tower--he hadn’t even seen it. Not that he’d been looking for it, either, distracted as he was by all the excitement of living with the Avengers and working with Tony Stark in what truly was an R&D Candyland. Thus, he was surprised when he came across it in a drawer under Tony’s lab bench while he was rummaging around looking for a voltmeter.

 

Curiosity piqued, he flipped through it, and it fell open to a page he had written on the day the Other Guy spat out his bullet. Bruce breathed a sigh, remembering that day. Not that he’d forgotten about it--Bruce didn’t believe in blocking out painful memories.

 

“10 Reasons to Stay Alive,” he had written on the top of the page. But he hadn’t been able to think of any reasons, so he had left the page empty, except for the title and the ten lonely numbers (0) through (9) in the left hand margin.

 

_But the list wasn’t blank anymore._

 

Intrigued, Bruce looked at the list again. In Tony Stark’s scrawling handwriting, it now said:

 

_10(hex) Reasons to Stay Alive:_

 

Bruce smiled to himself. Tony _would_ change ten to sixteen by specifying that the list was in hexadecimal, wouldn’t he?

 

_(0) To save Iron Man, obviously._

 

_(1) To save Iron Man again. Iron Man’s the best; saving him is worth two list items. Especially if you save him twice the day you meet him._

 

Bruce smiled at Tony’s antics. Then again, he couldn’t help but agree. Saving Tony Stark _was_ worth two list items.

 

_(2) To save the world._

 

_(3) So you can be a hero, and no, we don’t mean the Other Guy, we mean the guy who’s saving the world from a peak oil crisis and an environmental disaster. And volunteers at hospitals or teaching at juvenile detention centre on his off days._

 

To be fair, Tony was the one who was saving the world from a peak oil crisis. Bruce had only been accelerating the process, helping develop Tony’s ideas and providing some of his own here and there. On the other hand, he was the only person at Stark Industries who could communicate with Tony on his own level, so perhaps it counted for something.

 

_(4) So there’s someone to go toe-to-toe with Tony Stark on his brilliant engineering ideas, and help him fight the naysayers._

 

That one drew a chuckle from Bruce. He suspected that while Tony was writing that entry, the “naysayers” (read: SHIELD) had not yet managed to remove the cartoon ponies that danced across their screens.

 

_(5) So you can distract Clint by asking him to teach you to shoot on the days when he’s blaming himself for the people Loki killed._

 

Huh. Bruce hadn’t thought Tony would even notice that one. He was more perceptive than Bruce had given him credit for.

 

_(6) To help Tony troll SHIELD. And to troll the other Avengers._

 

 _(7) ~~But not to troll Tony! Trolling Tony is bad.~~ To exercise magnanimity and restraint in graciously _ not _trolling Tony._

 

In Bruce’s defence, Tony had been asking for it.

 

_(8) So you can learn someday, I hope, that when the Avengers say something nice about you, they might just actually mean it. And it’s not because they’re deluded, or aren’t seeing the real you, or any of those ridiculous thoughts you get into that pretty, but alarmingly empty, head of yours._

 

_(9) For brewing Natasha perfect Russian tea when she’s having a bad day and not asking any questions. (For freaking her out the first three times it happened, because so few people are kind to her.) For respecting her even if she’ll never trust you._

 

The different parts of that entry were written in different ink, showing that Tony had gone back to it several times as Bruce and Natasha’s tentative friendship developed.

 

_(A) For sitting with Tony when he’s awoken from a nightmare. For learning about his past and not treating him at all differently._

 

Bruce let out a sigh at that one. Could Tony really be surprised by that when he knew from day one about the Hulk, yet didn’t even hesitate to poke, prod, and otherwise welcome Bruce when everyone else was keeping a distance?

 

 _(B) To drink that disgusting twig water and act like it’s ambrosia or something; I swear you’re doing it to troll me, and we agreed not to troll Tony._ ☹

 

Bruce chuckled. Someday, perhaps, he would teach Tony to appreciate good tea. 

 

_(C) So there’s someone to help Thor and Steve actually get acquainted with modern day Midgard when everyone else is too busy teasing them._

 

Actually, Tony was the only one who was too busy teasing them, but Bruce understood the temptation, so he could appreciate being given credit for refraining.

 

_(D) For giving Tony inappropriate morning wood. Seriously, find a better place to practise kung fu or whatever it is._

 

_(E) So you can get laid by a genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist. A _sexy_ , genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist, might I add._

 

_(F) So you can find love. And you have. Because I love you._

 

Bruce felt his heart rate speed up at that last one--though he and Tony had been together for nearly a year, they had never actually said those words to each other. He closed his eyes for a moment to regulate his breathing. 

 

Grabbing a pen off the workbench, he wrote in an extra line.

 

_(F) So you can find love. And you have. Because I love you. (To fall in love with Tony Stark. Because for better or worse, I have.)_

 

Later that night, as he lay in bed wrapped in Tony’s strong arms, Bruce turned to Tony.

 

“I love you, too.” Bruce whispered.

 

Tony tensed. “You should never have needed a list,” he chided softly after a silence.

 

“I know,” Bruce said. “I know that now. I was lost for a long time.”

 

Tony kissed Bruce’s cheek. “As long as you know that now.”

 

It was then that Bruce knew that things were going to be okay.


End file.
